If it isn't one thing, its another. Got my ticket paid, but now I have to mail them money and a form before my license is reinstated. Blegh.

Figured out what was wrong with my rebates, got those all sealed up and ready to go with 37c stamps on them. Postage has now gone up to 39c.

Whatever.

You know, I didn't realize until I moved to Orlando that I had practically everything I needed at my fingertips in Jacksonville. There was a CompUSA for all of my computer problems, Riggsy's for when I wanted a solid Pool hall, three or four hookah bars within reasonable distance, The Armory (which is a GOOD lan gaming center, as opposed to these shiny business-only ones down here), a 24-hour CVS, an empty Publix parking lot to hang out in, three malls with three different movie theaters, and we were on the outskirts of everything, so we could head down to the river if we wanted and get away from people. Even St Augustine was reasonably close.

Orlando: One questionable pool hall, one pathetic hookah place, no compUSA, acceptable malls/movie theaters, no river, no st augustine. Really the only thing it has going for it is that Brian lives here.

I want to go back to Jacksonville sometimes.. maybe after I graduate. But I want to go back with my expectations but not my memories, which I don't think I can do. And I think if I lived there, even if it wasn't Fruit Cove, I'd constantly be expecting to see someone I used to know and I don't want that. I want the conveniences of my past without the problems, y'know?

The thought of living in a completely new city, all by myself, is kind of scary but I can deal with that. I just want someplace close to St Augustine, with the same kind of things nearby that I had at home. I wonder if that's possible?

Who knows?
-shae  ¶ 15:43 3 comments

  Grarrr. Today is weird. I am very angry and I'm not sure why.

I'm angry about the fact that my computer isn't showing the right processor speed. I'm angry about the fact that when I tried to fix it, it overheated and shut down. I'm angry because the fan I have is inadequate, the fan I bought is too big, and the places I went for help weren't all that helpful. I'm angry that I had to buy a new fan, angrier that it will take a few days to get here.

All the things I have to do make me mad. The pile of laundry that needs to be put away pisses me off. My unfinished schedule irritates me, and my need to see my advisor, coupled with my reluctance to deal with people in authority (thus my endless procrastination of things that Should Be Done) infuriates me. I'm not done with this book (Light) and that upsets me, because I want to know what happens.

I need to take care of my suspended license, something I should have done today but failed to do. Powerpoint is messed up because of the reinstall of Windows I had to do, so I'm frustrated about that.

All of this combines to leave me feeling nothing but this helpless.. I can't even call it rage because its smaller than that. Just this upset feeling that nothing will work out and I don't even have the energy to deal with it.

I also feel like I've written something like this before. Is this a chronic thing I do? Does that mean there's some underlying psychological problem I need to address? I doubt it. I'm just annoyed.

What's even stranger is I had one of the best nights I've had in a while last night. Brian and I had awesome roommate-irritating sex and stayed up ridiculously late discussing Camille Paglia and gay people, along with intermittent wrestling and retreats to the Batcave. It was a very good night.

Maybe I'm paying for it today by being frustrated by everything else?
shae  ¶ 18:29 2 comments