Change is Everything
4.10.2006
If it isn't one thing, its another.
Got my ticket paid, but now I have to mail them money and a form before my license is reinstated. Blegh.
Figured out what was wrong with my rebates, got those all sealed up and ready to go with 37c stamps on them. Postage has now gone up to 39c.
Whatever.
You know, I didn't realize until I moved to Orlando that I had practically everything I needed at my fingertips in Jacksonville. There was a CompUSA for all of my computer problems, Riggsy's for when I wanted a solid Pool hall, three or four hookah bars within reasonable distance, The Armory (which is a GOOD lan gaming center, as opposed to these shiny business-only ones down here), a 24-hour CVS, an empty Publix parking lot to hang out in, three malls with three different movie theaters, and we were on the outskirts of everything, so we could head down to the river if we wanted and get away from people. Even St Augustine was reasonably close.
Orlando: One questionable pool hall, one pathetic hookah place, no compUSA, acceptable malls/movie theaters, no river, no st augustine. Really the only thing it has going for it is that Brian lives here.
I want to go back to Jacksonville sometimes.. maybe after I graduate. But I want to go back with my expectations but not my memories, which I don't think I can do. And I think if I lived there, even if it wasn't Fruit Cove, I'd constantly be expecting to see someone I used to know and I don't want that. I want the conveniences of my past without the problems, y'know?
The thought of living in a completely new city, all by myself, is kind of scary but I can deal with that. I just want someplace close to St Augustine, with the same kind of things nearby that I had at home. I wonder if that's possible?
Who knows?
-shae ¶ 15:43 3 comments
Figured out what was wrong with my rebates, got those all sealed up and ready to go with 37c stamps on them. Postage has now gone up to 39c.
Whatever.
You know, I didn't realize until I moved to Orlando that I had practically everything I needed at my fingertips in Jacksonville. There was a CompUSA for all of my computer problems, Riggsy's for when I wanted a solid Pool hall, three or four hookah bars within reasonable distance, The Armory (which is a GOOD lan gaming center, as opposed to these shiny business-only ones down here), a 24-hour CVS, an empty Publix parking lot to hang out in, three malls with three different movie theaters, and we were on the outskirts of everything, so we could head down to the river if we wanted and get away from people. Even St Augustine was reasonably close.
Orlando: One questionable pool hall, one pathetic hookah place, no compUSA, acceptable malls/movie theaters, no river, no st augustine. Really the only thing it has going for it is that Brian lives here.
I want to go back to Jacksonville sometimes.. maybe after I graduate. But I want to go back with my expectations but not my memories, which I don't think I can do. And I think if I lived there, even if it wasn't Fruit Cove, I'd constantly be expecting to see someone I used to know and I don't want that. I want the conveniences of my past without the problems, y'know?
The thought of living in a completely new city, all by myself, is kind of scary but I can deal with that. I just want someplace close to St Augustine, with the same kind of things nearby that I had at home. I wonder if that's possible?
Who knows?
-shae ¶ 15:43 3 comments
4.04.2006
Grarrr.
Today is weird. I am very angry and I'm not sure why.
I'm angry about the fact that my computer isn't showing the right processor speed. I'm angry about the fact that when I tried to fix it, it overheated and shut down. I'm angry because the fan I have is inadequate, the fan I bought is too big, and the places I went for help weren't all that helpful. I'm angry that I had to buy a new fan, angrier that it will take a few days to get here.
All the things I have to do make me mad. The pile of laundry that needs to be put away pisses me off. My unfinished schedule irritates me, and my need to see my advisor, coupled with my reluctance to deal with people in authority (thus my endless procrastination of things that Should Be Done) infuriates me. I'm not done with this book (Light) and that upsets me, because I want to know what happens.
I need to take care of my suspended license, something I should have done today but failed to do. Powerpoint is messed up because of the reinstall of Windows I had to do, so I'm frustrated about that.
All of this combines to leave me feeling nothing but this helpless.. I can't even call it rage because its smaller than that. Just this upset feeling that nothing will work out and I don't even have the energy to deal with it.
I also feel like I've written something like this before. Is this a chronic thing I do? Does that mean there's some underlying psychological problem I need to address? I doubt it. I'm just annoyed.
What's even stranger is I had one of the best nights I've had in a while last night. Brian and I had awesome roommate-irritating sex and stayed up ridiculously late discussing Camille Paglia and gay people, along with intermittent wrestling and retreats to the Batcave. It was a very good night.
Maybe I'm paying for it today by being frustrated by everything else?
shae ¶ 18:29 2 comments
I'm angry about the fact that my computer isn't showing the right processor speed. I'm angry about the fact that when I tried to fix it, it overheated and shut down. I'm angry because the fan I have is inadequate, the fan I bought is too big, and the places I went for help weren't all that helpful. I'm angry that I had to buy a new fan, angrier that it will take a few days to get here.
All the things I have to do make me mad. The pile of laundry that needs to be put away pisses me off. My unfinished schedule irritates me, and my need to see my advisor, coupled with my reluctance to deal with people in authority (thus my endless procrastination of things that Should Be Done) infuriates me. I'm not done with this book (Light) and that upsets me, because I want to know what happens.
I need to take care of my suspended license, something I should have done today but failed to do. Powerpoint is messed up because of the reinstall of Windows I had to do, so I'm frustrated about that.
All of this combines to leave me feeling nothing but this helpless.. I can't even call it rage because its smaller than that. Just this upset feeling that nothing will work out and I don't even have the energy to deal with it.
I also feel like I've written something like this before. Is this a chronic thing I do? Does that mean there's some underlying psychological problem I need to address? I doubt it. I'm just annoyed.
What's even stranger is I had one of the best nights I've had in a while last night. Brian and I had awesome roommate-irritating sex and stayed up ridiculously late discussing Camille Paglia and gay people, along with intermittent wrestling and retreats to the Batcave. It was a very good night.
Maybe I'm paying for it today by being frustrated by everything else?
shae ¶ 18:29 2 comments
3.03.2006
meep!
I'm sitting here, waiting to get my legs waxed. fun times.
dear god h fucking christ.
why do i do this to myself?? why????
first, the woman speaks very little english and at first thought i was there for a lip wax. at this point i'm wondering if she's not qualified for legs and should get someone else.
halfway through, i'm shaking and my palms are sweaty.
by the end, i'm sticky and almost crying.
i pay and leave, and cry from the spa all the way home. that was at 145. i've spent the last half hour trying to scrub the wax off and rubbing ridiculous amounts of lidocaine into my legs in an attempt to stop the pain. now they're just really COLD and i think i'm still sticky.
i'm never going there again.
and the funny thing is, in a month or two, i'll go do it again, just not there. I WILL FIND A GOOD SPA.
why is it so hard? why can't professionals just do a good job and NOT FUCK UP?
god damnit.
this has ruined a perfectly beautiful day, and they didn't even get all the hair, there are large patches everywhere, so i still can't wear my goddamned shorts. FUCK.
UGH.
shae ¶ 12:56 4 comments
dear god h fucking christ.
why do i do this to myself?? why????
first, the woman speaks very little english and at first thought i was there for a lip wax. at this point i'm wondering if she's not qualified for legs and should get someone else.
halfway through, i'm shaking and my palms are sweaty.
by the end, i'm sticky and almost crying.
i pay and leave, and cry from the spa all the way home. that was at 145. i've spent the last half hour trying to scrub the wax off and rubbing ridiculous amounts of lidocaine into my legs in an attempt to stop the pain. now they're just really COLD and i think i'm still sticky.
i'm never going there again.
and the funny thing is, in a month or two, i'll go do it again, just not there. I WILL FIND A GOOD SPA.
why is it so hard? why can't professionals just do a good job and NOT FUCK UP?
god damnit.
this has ruined a perfectly beautiful day, and they didn't even get all the hair, there are large patches everywhere, so i still can't wear my goddamned shorts. FUCK.
UGH.
shae ¶ 12:56 4 comments
2.12.2006
"In Between Dreams" has something for everyone.
For Steven, June 2005 - early August 2005.
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"
For Harry, mid-August 2005
"No Other Way"
For Brian, late August 2005 - now and a while yet, I think. :)
"Better Together" and "Banana Pancakes"
Dammit, Jack, quit reading my mind.
-shae ¶ 21:03 2 comments
"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"
For Harry, mid-August 2005
"No Other Way"
For Brian, late August 2005 - now and a while yet, I think. :)
"Better Together" and "Banana Pancakes"
Dammit, Jack, quit reading my mind.
-shae ¶ 21:03 2 comments
2.09.2006
687 fillion dillion dollars.
Its funny, only after I get to college does the warning my mom gave me in second grade about taking my toys to school and other children snatching them seem valid.
Speaking of toys, I got my CAMERA! Its very tiny and sexy-- like someone you know, perhaps? I can't wait till I master using it and become a mad-cool photographer. :D
To Do:
Speaking of toys, I got my CAMERA! Its very tiny and sexy-- like someone you know, perhaps? I can't wait till I master using it and become a mad-cool photographer. :D
To Do:
- Feed Steve
- Clean room
- Organize desk
- Abs, Buns, and Thighs at 6
- Grocery shopping
- Passionfruit Juice
- Apples
- Salad mix
- Soup
- Passionfruit Juice
- Drop off clothes at Goodwill
2.08.2006
Bon Jovi is in MY BRAIN!
I almost typed "in my brian". We can tell where my mind is. ^_^
Last night, Brian played the most interesting song for me.. the chorus goes something like this:
Rah rah Rasputin!
Lover of the Russian queen
Rah rah Rasputin!
Russia's greatest love machine!
Needless to say, its been stuck in my head all morning.
I'm really tired right now.. running off of four hours of sleep and a soup can. I really want to just go home and crash, but I still have a test to take. After the test I'm going to go see my baby for a little while, then I can sleep.
Not a whole lot going on, really.. Brian and I are going to see Band Marino (FINALLY) this Saturday and next Tuesday we're going to the opera for Valentine's Day. I'm excited. ^^
The rough draft of my paper is due next Friday (2/17) and I haven't done my surveys or interviews or whatever yet nor do I have a topic. I'm afraid that this is probably going to make me quite antsy for the next week or two. I might have to take Saturday before the concert and Sunday to do some of the work. UGH. I MOTHERFUCKING HATE PAPERS.
Seriously. Papers should burn in hell. *beats forehead on desk*
Part of me wants to withdraw from the class and take it again later, but I need to take as many classes as I can, and get as many good grades as I can so I can keep my scholarship.
I got my Trig exam back today. 71 on the non-calculator part, and a 53 on the calculator part. God damnit. This is not how this is supposed to go. Unfortunately, while looking at the ones I missed (all worth six points apiece) I couldn't detect too many stupid mistakes, so this time its a problem of me not understanding the material.
Now suddenly I'm remembering all the reasons I rebelled against going to college in the first place. I can't write, and math is a pain in the ass. Anything I want to learn is hands-on and I can usually teach myself. Fucking gen ed classes.
This means I need to devote more time to studying and working on these damn papers. As if I don't have enough to do. Fuck Fuck Fuck.
Argh. ><
-shae ¶ 08:57 0 comments
Last night, Brian played the most interesting song for me.. the chorus goes something like this:
Rah rah Rasputin!
Lover of the Russian queen
Rah rah Rasputin!
Russia's greatest love machine!
Needless to say, its been stuck in my head all morning.
I'm really tired right now.. running off of four hours of sleep and a soup can. I really want to just go home and crash, but I still have a test to take. After the test I'm going to go see my baby for a little while, then I can sleep.
Not a whole lot going on, really.. Brian and I are going to see Band Marino (FINALLY) this Saturday and next Tuesday we're going to the opera for Valentine's Day. I'm excited. ^^
The rough draft of my paper is due next Friday (2/17) and I haven't done my surveys or interviews or whatever yet nor do I have a topic. I'm afraid that this is probably going to make me quite antsy for the next week or two. I might have to take Saturday before the concert and Sunday to do some of the work. UGH. I MOTHERFUCKING HATE PAPERS.
Seriously. Papers should burn in hell. *beats forehead on desk*
Part of me wants to withdraw from the class and take it again later, but I need to take as many classes as I can, and get as many good grades as I can so I can keep my scholarship.
I got my Trig exam back today. 71 on the non-calculator part, and a 53 on the calculator part. God damnit. This is not how this is supposed to go. Unfortunately, while looking at the ones I missed (all worth six points apiece) I couldn't detect too many stupid mistakes, so this time its a problem of me not understanding the material.
Now suddenly I'm remembering all the reasons I rebelled against going to college in the first place. I can't write, and math is a pain in the ass. Anything I want to learn is hands-on and I can usually teach myself. Fucking gen ed classes.
This means I need to devote more time to studying and working on these damn papers. As if I don't have enough to do. Fuck Fuck Fuck.
Argh. ><
-shae ¶ 08:57 0 comments
2.04.2006
And now for something completely different.
Now I'm eating while I post. Fun times!
Brian and I woke up at around two-thirty, after going to bed around five-thirty this morning. It was nice, but we didn't get much time to do anything because now I have to get ready for work and eat before I head over to his place.
We are going to the arboretum party tonight, so that's going to be fun. :D
Brian got me a Lake Pickett Correctional Facility t-shirt of my very own!! In case you don't know, that's the name of his crew team. So I have a crew team shirt I can wear. ^__^ I'm very excited about that.
Not much time to talk-- I'm wolfing down food so I can go see my boy.
We watched 40-Year-Old Virgin last night. Awesomely funny movie, but the uncut version isn't as funny, sadly. :(
Whee!
-shae ¶ 15:51 0 comments
Brian and I woke up at around two-thirty, after going to bed around five-thirty this morning. It was nice, but we didn't get much time to do anything because now I have to get ready for work and eat before I head over to his place.
We are going to the arboretum party tonight, so that's going to be fun. :D
Brian got me a Lake Pickett Correctional Facility t-shirt of my very own!! In case you don't know, that's the name of his crew team. So I have a crew team shirt I can wear. ^__^ I'm very excited about that.
Not much time to talk-- I'm wolfing down food so I can go see my boy.
We watched 40-Year-Old Virgin last night. Awesomely funny movie, but the uncut version isn't as funny, sadly. :(
Whee!
-shae ¶ 15:51 0 comments
